


Alone

by sadyshea



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-03-09 18:00:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3259148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadyshea/pseuds/sadyshea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes being alone is just fine. In fact, Aaron prefers it. But other times, the loneliness gets too much.</p>
<p>He has Paddy. He has Chas. He has Adam. He’s even got Cain or Vic if he’s really desperate.</p>
<p>But at the end of the day, he’s alone.</p>
<p>Until Robert.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone

Sometimes being alone is just fine. In fact, Aaron prefers it. But other times, the loneliness gets too much.

He has Paddy. He has Chas. He has Adam. He’s even got Cain or Vic if he’s really desperate.

But at the end of the day, he’s alone.

_Until Robert._

Suddenly, there’s a reason for the workday to go faster, to check his phone much more than necessary and even a reason to take a shower more than just Chas reminds him that he’s starting to reek.

Speaking of shower, he’d love to get in one with a certain blond…

But then everything changes. Robert gets married to Chrissie and then he’s alone again.

Days start to bleed together, a blur of grey sky and car engines with a pint to finish off the day. Aaron drifts through everything like it’s a meaningless routine. People begin to notice that something’s off and ask him how he is. He always responds with a blank, “Fine.”

Sure, he was fine. He wasn’t exactly happy but he was managing. There was nothing to look forward to but at least he wasn’t hurting, like after Jackson. He was just… numb.

He does his best to avoid Robert but of course, that’s unavoidable. The worst part is that every time Aaron does see him, something jolts alive inside him once again. But as quickly as Robert is gone, the feeling fades until he is surrounded by grey.

One afternoon he’s drifting particularly far away from reality, doing paperwork at the scrap yard on Adam’s day off when a knock sounds at the door. He barely lifts his head away from his work and mutters, “Come in.”

Footsteps sound closer and closer. He looks up at the last possible moment, expecting a shifty looking customer but instead seeing a very guilty looking married man that sets his world on fire.

Aaron resents Robert’s ability to affect him so strongly, even after all this time. Aaron’s palms grow sweaty and his heartbeat quickens to an anxious pace. He’s suddenly incredibly self-conscious about the scruff on his face and the slouchy sweatpants he managed to pull on this morning.

“Afternoon.” Robert murmurs cautiously, his gaze focused intently on Aaron as if he is studying him.

“What’re you doing here?” Aaron blurts out and its much more aggressive than he means it.

“Came to check in on you.” Robert explains and Aaron feels sick to his stomach. “I know you’re the only one in today. So I thought…”

“You thought you’d what?” Aaron demands, knuckles white and gripping at the desk before him. “Chat me up while no one’s around? Classic Robert. I really don’t need this right now and I especially don’t need you.”

“I saw you the other day at the pub…” Robert barely reacts to Aaron’s rejection. His voice is wrought with concern. “You didn’t seem like…. Yourself.”

“What does ‘myself’ look like?” Aaron spits, feeling his face grow warm with anger as he rises to his feet. “Honestly, Robert, why did you even come here? To tease me? To see just how dysfunctional I am since you called us quits? Well, here I am, in all of my depressing glory! Are you happy?”

Robert flinches slightly and in a way, this amuses Aaron. When Robert finished it, he got a wife, a stepson, a home and guaranteed job… a real chance at being happy. Aaron was left with nothing but confusion and longing.

“Of course I’m not happy.” Robert mutters, looking down at his feet, unable to maintain eye contact with Aaron. “I hate seeing you like this, all dejected and such. I haven’t seen you smile in ages.”

“If there’s nothing to smile about, I’m not going to waste the energy for everyone else’s sake.” Aaron responds defensively.

Robert looks up and attempts to reach out across the desk for Aaron but Aaron jerks away meaningfully. If he has to suffer, so does Robert. Robert looks more unsure than Aaron has ever seen him. Aaron would feel guilty if a part of him didn’t enjoy it.

Slowly, Robert rounds the desk. As he nears Aaron, Aaron can’t help but freeze up. He wants to push Robert away but he wants this. He doesn’t want to be alone anymore. With Robert, he’s never alone.

“I’m so sorry.” Robert whispers, letting his forehead fall against Aaron’s. “I should never have stopped this. I miss you. I miss you more than you can imagine.”

 “You can’t do this.” Aaron murmurs. The pull between them is magnetic but he must resist. He can’t fall for this again. He won’t. “You can’t do this to me. It does my head in.”

Robert’s so close and yet, they’re farther from one another than they’ve ever been. Robert called it quits and ignored him for weeks. He doesn’t just get to press ‘play’ whenever he feels the moment is right.

Aaron backs away from Robert, “You should go. I was better off on my own.”

“I’m not.” Robert advances once again. “I’m better with you, Aaron. You have to know that. I’m a better version of _me_ when I’m with you.”

“The book store in town has a whole section on self-help. Why don’t you go for a browse?” Aaron narrows his eyes at Robert, the selfish bastard.

Robert’s guilt had obviously driven him here, not actual concern from Aaron’s wellbeing. Aaron wonders how he let himself get caught up in the ruse once again. They’d fooled the entire village and now Robert was trying to fool him. Aaron wasn’t going to let himself be manipulated again.

“You need to go.” Aaron instructs, his voice defying him with its shakiness. “Unless it’s business related, don’t come ‘round again.”

Robert looks floored. It’s as if he’s finally waking up from the perfect dream and stepping into nightmarish reality. Aaron just wants him gone but appreciates the chance to relish in the world shattering before Robert’s eyes. Robert is finally learning that you can’t always get what you want.

In the silence, Aaron returns to his desk and his work. It’s difficult at first to concentrate with Robert hovering at the corner of the desk but somehow Aaron manages. In fact, he’s more productive in one afternoon for the business than he’s ever been.

After a while, Aaron looks up to see that Robert still hasn’t moved. “Is there nowhere you have to be? Picking up Lachlan from a footie game? Giving Lawrence a foot massage? Buying Chrissie another pair of diamond earrings?”

Aaron realizes how cruel he’s being. The words taste like poison in his mouth but he has to get them out. Devastation is etched across Robert’s face; he looks as if he’s been betrayed.

“I hurt you.” Robert responds slowly. His voice is barely a whisper. “I know I did. None of this is fair. I’m so sorry. I know that I can apologize a million times and still not scratch the surface of what I’ve put you through but… I’ll keep saying it until you look at me with a shred of how you did before. _I’m sorry.”_

Few times has Aaron seen Robert Sugden in a vulnerable state but this time, it shatters him. Completely and utterly destroys him. He tries to keep it together, to just ignore him and return to his work until Robert finally gets the message and leaves him alone…

But that’s the real problem; he doesn’t want to be alone.

He wants to be with Robert.

“Part of me hates you.” Aaron mutters in disdain, staring down at the paperwork before him. “But a bigger part of me still feels the way I did before you finished it.”

Aaron gets up to his feet, “But that’s the issue here. _You_ called it quits without any consideration of how it might affect me. You used me and when it got too inconvenient, you hung me out to dry. Do you truly understand what that does to a person? Making them feel cared for and like they might finally have meaning to someone? Loved even? I thought you _loved_ me. But then you left and I was ruined.”

Robert’s eyes are wide. Aaron immediately regrets saying anything. He shouldn’t have said a word. He should have bottled it up until it slowly dissipated, until it was gone forever. But it’s too late for regret.

Slowly, Robert moves toward Aaron, shock still in his eyes, “I’m sorry. It was just meant to be a one-off and then, it turned into a string of them and then, well, I’m not sure what happened… but you’re not wrong about what you thought.”

Aaron is suddenly aware of how little space is between them and it causes his head to spin. “What I thought?”

“It’s hard for me to say.” Robert admits. Aaron can sense that the conversation is incredibly difficult for Robert to have and Aaron doesn’t blame him. “But… I do care about you, more than you think. I’m just sorry I put you through all this.”

Frustrated, Aaron blurts out, “I don’t need an apology Robert. I need _you_.”

And without a second thought, Robert gives Aaron exactly what he wants.

The gray that’s been surrounding Aaron disappears completely, as quickly as it appeared in the first place. With Robert’s lips on his, Aaron feels like he’ll never be alone again. _How could he be with Robert in his life?_ The realization both is both terrifying and addictive to Aaron. He can’t get enough of Robert and Robert can’t get enough of him.

“It got bad.” Aaron shares between kisses, his voice trembling. “Without you.”

Robert immediately pulls away and stares deep into Aaron’s eyes. “You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?”

“No.” Aaron responds firmly. “Nothing like that. I just… I slipped into this state… Nothing felt real anymore, you know?”

“With or without me, Aaron Livesy, you deserve to live a fulfilled life.” Robert rests his hands on both of Aaron’s shoulders firmly. “People care about you too much for you to lead a life that isn’t exactly how you want it to be. You are not alone and you certainly don’t need an idiot like me taking up your time to know that. You’re not alone, Aaron, you never were.”

A weight lifts from Aaron’s shoulders. A weight he never realized was there in the first place. Looking at Robert, he knows it’s the truth. Aaron is surrounded by people who love him and would never let him suffer in silence. Instead of answering ‘fine’, he should have opened up. He should have told Chas, Paddy, Adam or anyone else who asked and were concerned about him what was going on. That he needed help, that he just needed _them._

Simple as it was, the epiphany felt revolutionary and on top of it all, Robert’s here standing in front of him again. Aaron isn’t quite sure if he believes in destiny but looking back on his and Robert’s track record, it was never meant to be an easy road from them to travel together. But that’s what made it so important.

“Thank you.” Aaron murmurs and Robert pulls him in close to his chest. Aaron lets himself fall into the comfort. “For just… being here.”

“I will always be here.” Robert assures Aaron and pulls him in for another bout of kissing. Frankly, Aaron can’t argue with that.

What Robert and Aaron have isn’t perfect. In fact, it’s far from it. But Aaron is done with overanalyzing everything and denying himself what he wants. If he wants to shag and snog a married man for the rest of entirety, he should have the right to do so without judging himself for it. It doesn’t hurt that the married man is also handsome as hell.

“You are loved, Aaron Livesy.” Robert whispers in between kisses, the hesitancy gone from his voice. “You are so very loved.”

 “You’re never going to be alone again.” Robert presses a kiss into Robert’s hair. “I promise.”

 


End file.
